Have you ever had a sudden urge to do something so big, so amazing and so original that you feel as though you’ll burst if you don’t get it over with?
Lately, I’ve been feeling that way a lot.
I call them “Creative Bursts” because you feel creative and you’ll burst if you don’t do something about it.
I’m in my last year at high school right now, that stage in life where everything can go great or horrible in one second and where you’re as lost as a newly born duckling searching for its mother. Applying to universities, daydreaming about graduation, preparing for the future – it’s so overwhelming, I feel like there’s constantly something swimming over my head. I don’t know if you’ll appreciate the sheer brilliance of that phrase (“swimming” referring to me being underwater, drowning, and “over my head” being the intangible burden weighing me down) but I hope you’ll understand it.
Except that’s hardly possible. At least in my case it’s the most discouraging piece of advice I’ve ever had the bad luck to stumble upon.
I want to be original, inventive and different this year. I want to do what people haven’t done and excel at it, too, while still remaining the person that I am. Above all, I want to be remembered for amazing things.
I know people will tell me I have my whole life to do amazing things, that I’m only 17 and should stop acting like I’m 70 and on my deathbed. But, fact is, whatever stage of life you’re at seems to be the one that is most crucial.
My mother, for instance, is at the point when keeping the house peaceful and keeping our family together is the most important thing for her. She feels like submitting herself to uplift the moods of our guests is the biggest responsibility she has ever been burdened with.
My sister, on the other hand, sees no further than her O’Level GCSEs, wondering if she’ll get good enough grades to continue with science subjects in A’levels so that she can become a veterinarian someday.
My father has to earn for the family and he strives hard for it and probably thinks that no one else has ever felt as overwhelmed by responsibility as he does.
And yet, everyday, I’m sitting here like all of the world’s problems have come crashing down on my shoulders. University is my future, the only future I believe I have, and even then attaining it is up to me.
So help me, dear God, because my Creative Bursts are increasing continuously with the desire to do something memorable, be someone big as the end of the year draws nearer.
So I need to come alive somehow. And these Creative Bursts make me feel as though I’m on the verge of that just before I give up and the Bursts burst like little fireworks and then they’re gone and I’m left asking what the world needs again (And what the hell is wrong with me!)
I’m sure everybody feels this way – but I often wish I didn’t.
It really does, so how do you do it? How do you do something memorable? How do you attain success? How do try to have people remember you as someone more than “the girl who wore hijab, hardly talked in class, and was always laughing with her friends, otherwise”?
So while I wait for some gracious, God-sent person to answer those questions, I’ll just have to creatively burst over and over again… (and try to ignore how strange that sounds)